Between a Walk and a Hard Place

One of my biggest pet peeves is hearing the statement, “Life’s not fair.” It’s almost like the sound of nails on a chalkboard.  I don’t know why I bring this up when I really was going to speak about something else.  However, right now is not the time. There is another time I can throw that frying pan.  Back to that statement, I have heard those words uttered by several people in my life and those words have carelessly tumbled out of my mouth on several occasions because I was lazy. Yes, lazy.  My lazy ass didn’t want to take the time to explain why I did want to do something. That was usually why I spewed those awful words. Lately, I have had lots of time to think. Just this past Friday,  I received a call from my new primary care doctor.  It was not an unusual call and went as most calls do, the doctor listing things to prescribe without actually listening to me. When I raised my voice, he accused me of changing my story. I wish I could divulge more on here but I had only emailed the doctor requesting for something for pain, I ended up in tears and made to feel like I was an idiot for reaching out. He took two days to answer the email and by the way, his nurse answered the original email. Also, he admitted on the phone that she answered the email incorrectly. He then also wanted me to contact my surgeon and have him reach out to him. Yes, I will get right on that. Right here is where old me would apologize for my behavior and I would make up some lame excuse for his behavior because he is overworked and underappreciated. How he is lacking sleep and is tired of trying to weed out drug addicts. That is not my problem.  I to at one time wanted to work in the medical field. I knew my grades and lack of money would not get me far. However, I got as far as surgical technology. Yeah, not as glamorous but I got a glimpse of the inside workings of a hospital.  No, it does not make me an expert on anything or what was going through his head as he was speaking to me. All I know is he was very disrespectful.  I know, my husband is guilty of telling me to grow thicker skin and to let things go.  This is my life and he knows all too well what it feels like when medical staff dismisses your pain and suffering because medical tests are “normal” and they sent him home from the emergency room when in fact, he had stage 3 colon cancer only a few years ago.  My only hope is the medical administration understands when I request a third new primary care physician in 4 weeks they will understand and not think that I am being unreasonable. Today is Rare Disease Day, go figure. In fairness, that word, I do not have a disease. I have a syndrome.  I wish some physicians I have encountered in my life would remember why they entered into their chosen field. I wanted to be a doctor too, I had dreams.  I wanted to heal people. Please remember that I in the 25 plus years that I have had a stroke and have had to go through countless doctors and tests trying to get help for the pain and discomfort this syndrome has caused for years and no one could find.  I have been told it was kidney stones, depression, my weight, arthritis and so on. I have also graciously let student doctors use me so they could learn.  If I do get frustrated, this does not mean I am depressed, it only means I am just that,  I am frustrated.  Things may not always turn out how you want them too.  This is why I have done so many things in my life.  I have worked in the optical field. I was an optician for over 15 years.  When I needed extra money I worked as a waitress and then chef and I cleaned houses.  From these jobs, I went on to restaurant operations and accounting. Some people might think I am scattered but from the inside, I have been holding myself together pretty well considering that stroke no one saw coming in 1991 and now this new syndrome that was there until a few weeks ago no believed I had.  Hopefully, my new physician will understand my want and desire to minimize the use of pharmaceuticals.  Some of the side effects take away me and who I am.  Anyhow, enough of my medical rantings.  I will be moving on to happier things.

It’s wildflower season here in the Coachella Valley.  We didn’t have to travel far from our home to view some spectacular sights.  My husband and I took a drive around Indio, CA and found this beautiful field of wildflowers.  I am still not shooting at full strength.  I am sure that Joshua Tree and Anza Borrego is in full bloom.  I hope we can check it out this year.

Also, this weekend my husband’s band played.  I was able to capture a few shots of the band.  It felt good to be able to pick up the camera again.  It wore me out!  I felt like I got hit by a truck the next day!  Honestly, I could feel the spirit of my Dad pushing me to “walk it off”.  I know I am going to be okay.  You know something Dad, you were right, there is nothing like walking it off…

Step by step, you can do it.



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