Pipe Dreams

Good morning to you where ever in he world you are today! This weekend has been nice especially since we got a tiny bit of relief from the heat. Today, we go back into “Heat Advisory” mode with temps here in the desert expect to reach 118 degrees for a few days. I am loving the nice mornings that I get in the pool working on getting my core strengthened. It feels good to push a little farther everyday. Also, I can walk a little longer without the aid of my cane. In a few weeks I hope to be strong enough to walk around with out the cane or walker at the Brian Wilson and the Zombies concert at Fantasy Springs. If all goes well and I make it through that night, it will be one more item off of my bucket list. Yeah, a few years ago I had other hopes but know that I have to modify my thinking. I did have aspirations of getting real, pro-gigs shooting concert photography but after all that has happened I know that I need to focus on other things. Like not tripping over my feet and staying upright. So, if all goes well, it won’t be the last concert I am able to acquire the proper passes and I can lug my kit with me instead of hiding my Nikon in my Baggalini.

These are a few of my practice shots with the Sony A7 taken this past week.

Oh my gosh! Thank you Deana Carter for the laugh. I totally forgot about this song and can totally relate to this song. So often I have wanted to say Did I shave my legs for this?” and can totally relate as I am having issues bending. Yeah, no more gymnastics for me…not really, but yeah. I cringe at the thought of my racing stripes of hair on my legs that I can’t reach or it because it hurts too much. So, yeah, you can bet if I am going to shave my legs it better be for something good! There are even somethings my vanity can’t control. However, on the bright side, I am getting back to my dark skin of my youth when I was very tan as I spent most of my days outside in the sunshine. My new tan skin kind of camouflages the stubble. Swimming has been a lifesaver for me. Everyday I push farther to see how many minutes I can swim without stopping. Happy to report that I have went from two minutes to 15 minutes. The goggles and the swim-ear plugs that I ordered will be here soon as it will make it easier to keep going. Luckily, there is such a thing as muscle memory and I am able to stay in form while I breast stroke my way toward healing. Besides, the water feels amazing! I could float on my back for hours if the sun wouldn’t be so bright.

I posted the shots that I using for my fundraiser below. It took me so long to figure out which one to use as I am so critical of my own work. I love everyone else’s work but really am afraid to put myself out there. I think rejection is the biggest fear I have. This may be why I don’t seek out followers or follow everyone’s work. I am slowly getting over it and putting on my IDGAF panties and am going to keep moving forward.

This was shot December 2017 on Palm Canyon Drive in Palm Springs, CA with model Analisse Lagunes.

This shot was taken January 2019 and features model Ashley Reinke.

I did get one person to share a little of her Pain Story. She has Multiple Sclerosis and she shared with me the struggles as well the good stuff that she is doing. I added an Inspiration Page for anyone to share to the Your Pain is Showing project. She also shared her Haiku! I love it and I love her more for participating. You really can’t judge a book by it’s cover. I had no idea of her struggles as she is so happy and positive. She really is an inspiration!

Dulce also added and it is an important reminder about people with chronic illness and chronic pain.
 “I would like to add that MS does stop me.  It stops me more often than I wish but I keep going when I can and stop when I can’t.  I no longer know a day without numbness and pain.  Some days are very very bad but everyday I have some pain.  I’m just used to it now.  Honestly, I don’t know what I would do if I wasn’t in some low level of pain. But I think I am just so used to it now.  But isn’t that the point with these diseases and issues with our nervous system and spinal cord?  We adapt.  Our disease does not stop our desire to live, at least on most days.”

When I read her added wisdom, I cringed at her statement, “But I think I am just used to it.” I cringe because I tried to explain that to my Physical Therapist and he said, “You are not used to your pain, it’s just getting better.” Really? I beg to differ with the physician’s and agree with Dulce, yes, you do and can get used to it. The best way to describe my theory in pain and getting used to it is this, try walking with a small pebble in your shoe and you have no where to stop and remove it. At some point during your walk with the pebble in place, you will begin to notice that the pain or sensation of it starts to diminish. I am sure that there are others that can not overlook a little pebble but can bet that there are thousands of people walking around ignoring their own little pebbles in there proverbial shoes. My hope and dreams are that more physicians and medical personal can look beyond their book sciences and really study the effects of pain. Not all of us suffering are addicts or embellishing our symptoms. I know I got defensive with my past doctors that labeled me as depressed but depression is also very painful, from what I have been reading. I get that. We really do just want relief. If you are reading this and want to share something about you please do! Maybe you can inspire others. So far, so good, the website is getting visitors from around the world and this is with me doing minimal advertising or promoting as my own pain issues only allow for me to spend so much time at my desk and on my phone.

To reader, thank you for stopping by and reading! I really do appreciate it as it has helped me and some of my issues. Have a wonderful day and hugs.

One Comment Add yours

  1. Thank you so much for sharing and following my posts.
    You are welcome in London to enjoy tours.
    Hoping you are happy there.
    Any help or collaboration or more information about my private practice (Clinic) in London, my contacts Email and Skype are on my website.

    Best wishes


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