Crystal Balls

Hello there it’s Friday and that holiday is 5 days away. My oldest son called yesterday and we got to talk for a bit. I really enjoy when he calls. I hope he knows this. I was so proud listening to him talk about his work and his new position in the kitchen. My son is a sous chef and I couldn’t be prouder. Maybe I am psychic or was that a psycho? Maybe I am a little of both however, as I remember having the feeling that this would not be the last time for him working in a kitchen as he subbed as a dishwasher when he was around 14 years old and I was the KM at the Brass Elephant. He was a natural behind the scenes. I remember him keeping the prep areas clean as I would put a bowl down or utensil that I was done using on the butcher block. He would pick it up and get it to the washer and I was able to keep working. Truly, he of all my children must have actually listened while I was ranting about the poor attitude that people I had worked with waiting to be told what to do. One of my biggest pet peeves was someone standing around when there was obvious work to do and there was always something that needed to be cleaned. He just got it back then and I am sure that he now gets me and the way I used to work. I can’t wait to hear more about his work stories when he and my middle son come for a visit next week.

My oldest favorite son and my middle favorite son. This was taken in San Francisco around 2012 when we took a trip to see the Clippers play the GSW in Oakland.

This morning, as I usually do, I checked my social media feeds and spotted a hashtag that I follow #caudaequinasyndrome. It was nice to meet another person that has CES and is kicking ass! She offered me some tips and I just followed her and can’t wait to see her inspiring posts. Funny but her and I both felt the support group on another social media site was a little depressing. Honestly, I thought that I had left the group but was privy to a group message from the admins recently. I was saddened to read what some of them were typing. I know that the mission statement indicates that they do not allow discrimination but I felt like I was a fly buzzing around a piece of, you know, as I listened to them. It felt like high school all over again and I was part of the IN crowd, you memba? The one that was discriminating against non-cool kids. It felt ugly reading and not jumping in and really telling them how I felt as they were deciding let another CES person stay in the group because they felt that they were being judgmental and aggressive. I know this sucks but when you are in pain and not feeling well, sometimes when you type out a response or a question, it does not always translate. Also, many of the people in the group are on lots of pain and mid altering medication and that in itself can make you type regretful things. It may sound harsh or may be condescending, even though that was not the intent of the person. I think we can all relate to that. Punctuation matters…Maybe this is why I have been having trouble posting stuff on IG and FB, (maybe it is because I am too high, all the time). Honestly, if something is that concerning to me, I would not broadcast it over social media but I would contact a medical professional. I get that having this syndrome you get a lot of disbelief from medical professional when you give them your symptoms however I have read posts on line that make me want to reach through the screen and shake them or call 911 as FB is the last place I want to get my medical information from. Really, my life sucks a little bit everyday, but I can still find joy and reasons to keep breathing. Laughing and smiling feel so much better besides crying only makes your face and nose puffy. So with that, Elvis has left the building and I hope they right the ship and get it sailing into less shark infested waters. It does sadden me as I was hoping to connect with others that are in my situation but sometimes things don’t work out. I still would like to meet others with Cauda Equina Syndrome or live with chronic pain. I still have my Pain Project going although it has been on the back burner as I have been resting more lately. The weather is warming up so I should be able to sit at my desk for longer periods of time. I have started working on new art work here and there when I can manage to sit still. Oh and thank you to Gregg Allman and his soulful singing that got me singing this morning.

No I’m no angel, No I’m no stranger to the street
I’ve got my label, So I won’t crumble at your feet
And I know baby, So I’ve got scars upon my cheek
And I’m half crazy, Come on and love me baby

So you find me hard to handle, well I’m easier to hold
So you like my spurs that jingle and I never leave you cold
So I might steal your diamonds I’ll bring you back some gold
I’m no angel

I giggle at the lyrics cause you know I am a little immature for my 49 years and change the words

See like I said, immature. It’s weird but the Allman Brothers have never really been on my radar. Funny how sometimes we associate music with feelings and memories. Some good and some bad. The Allman Brothers remind me of a person from my past so I always changed the music when they came on. However, for the first time in my life, I feel safe and cared for and that I really do have someone in my corner. Now I can appreciate the Allman Brothers and the Moody Blues among others.

So I might steal your lighter I’ll bring you back some weed

Thank goodness there were no witnesses as I picked up the guitar and looked up the chords and tried to strum along. Strumming is still not coming naturally but it will, I just know it. I think I replayed the video on Youtube a few times. I really had no idea how rough playing was on the fingers as I have always intently watch how musicians so effortlessly play and now my mind is totally blown as I am kind of have an understanding the mechanics behind it. I can only imagine how calloused some people fingers are. Hmmm? Maybe that is something I may want to focus on, musician hands, not playing. Anyhow, this means lots more reading and I did just sign up for a music theory class as hubby thought it would also help with my understanding. Updates coming soon…

Anyhow, the weekend is here and hubby will be home on Sunday. I am looking forward to heading out West. I know that there will be plenty of things to shoot at (with my camera) during the trip. Currently, I am trying to capture landmarks as we drive past them. So far I have gotten some cool stuff.

Jenny making a wish.
I know my Christmas is going to be merry…

Thank you for stopping by. May you get where you are going and cosmic hug to you. Hopefully, I didn’t squeeze to hard.

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