The Quiet Game

Good morning world! It is November 2, 2021 and you made it! This morning, I am a bit worn out and that is okay, really. My grandsons have been keeping me company in the mornings and keeping me on my toes. It was nice to get on the scale and be down 5 lbs. Smiling big right now. You see, I always worked and my kids were cared for by family. When they were old enough, they went to pre-school. Again, a big thank you to all that helped in the raising of my kids, because as I have mentioned before, it took a village, plus a few others. Anyhow, it is quiet right now and they will be back tomorrow for more fun. Honestly, I don’t know how all those stay at home Moms do it as motherhood is not for the weak. I feel so blessed to be able to change a poo-pee diaper or eat a piece of pancake that my grandson that fed it to me with his sticky hands as a few years ago while I was recovering I didn’t think that I would ever be able to watch the grandkids by myself and now I know I can do it!

Art time at Grama’s

On Sunday, I finished watching the Netflix limited series Maid. It was riveting and I finished it by watching it on my Iphone because I had lost the Firestick remote and wanted to watch something while I was icing my back. Anyhow, I am not going to write a review as I am not good at that but will tell you that it had me feeling so many things. It reminded me of all the help that I received raising my kids. To me this story was not just about one women and her fight to survive with her daughter it was a story about all women and the affects of abuse. I felt like the lead character in many of those situations and not just because I was housekeeper for a spell or have slept in my car. Anyhow, if you watch this series, notice how all the women are portrayed and how they treat each other and you, yourself, may see yourself in the story as well. Yes, little girls, that grow up to be women, are made of sugar and spice, but nice, not so much. I cried for a few hours after I finished watching it. I cried for all the women that were evil to me during my life when I was just trying to provide for my children and I cried for all the women that are still living that nightmare. For instance I worked at Patina Restaurant group years ago and I requested a transfer to another, any department, as my manger was a foul mouthed, ex cab driver from New York. Anyhow, she would praise my work but would mention that raises were out of the question. One day she asked if I needed to make more money I could clean her apartment (I was a housekeeper on Saturday and Sunday mornings during that time in my life.). Well, as a single mother, you hardly ever look a gift horses or chances to make extra money in the mouth, so I did it. She started asking me to do more things like buy weed from my friends and take it to her. Again, I did it because she would give me an extra money for gas. When I told her after a few months that I couldn’t do it anymore she became hostile with me. Once she walked into our little office on the 9th floor and screamed, “What the FUCK!!!!” and when my eyes widened with terror she laughed and said if I didn’t like it I could leave. Anyhow, I requested a transfer and was moved to Accounts Payable. I won’t elaborate, but the assistant manager of that department said, “I only want a good looking department so we have pretty pictures and I guess you will pass. You should wear make-up.” My career in accounting at that place ended six months later when I resigned to work for another large restaurant and night club group and for 6 bucks more and hour that they could not afford to pay me. By the way, I left that cushy corporate dream job because another woman (The Controller) would not allow flex-time when my child was in trouble and I needed a few months to get him through it. So, anyhow, this movie did a great job portraying all the different facets of what abuse looks like and in women. It made me look at my past aggressors in a different light as they too were probably also victims of some abuses themselves. However, there were also far many more good women that I encountered in my life, like Sue Bruen, the chef that taught me how to cook or my daughters grandmother who taught me to manifest my own happiness and not count on others for it . Anyhow, I am getting a little emotional right now so I will jump off this subject as I could spend hours showing examples and I am sure that you who is reading this may have witnessed others or you may been mistreated in your life. You see abuse does not always look like cuts and bruises and broken bones. Abuse comes in many packages not just the ones that everyone sees. Sounds like an invisible illness, right?

This was taken in 2019 a few months after my surgery.

This morning I am thankful as I remember all the good people that enriched the lives of my children and myself. I was lucky, my boys did attend a day-care center in Alhambra , CA for a few months when I had secured subsidized childcare but lost it when I a dollar raise and my meager income was a few hundred dollars over the qualifying income. Anyhow, with the help of so many people we made it. I mean everyone’s help, like the dude who tipped me with four scholarships for the summer program at the Y. Yes, it was tip, I paid for his drinks one night when I was waitressing as he had told me that he had left his wallet at home and was supposed to be paying for the drinks. I let him save face and I paid his tab out of my tip money. Just thinking about that story reminded me of another person that helped me out, an old neighbor, Steve (Shulte – former mayor of Weho). He like many of the other men in that building became like family to me and my boys and we felt protected there, till the outside world decided that we could no longer live in Highland Park. So, back to that movie, DO see it if you can relate and maybe even if you can’t. The story I am sure will have many people yelling at the TV screen because they do not understand the mind of a woman trying to do her best to keep her sanity as well as her child safe.

my bass!

My son is probably worried that I may yell at his kids, I won’t. Truthfully, I probably yelled more than I spoke softly to my kids while they were growing up. Really, I should have had a referee whistle as I was constantly breaking up squabbles between them. Anyhow, being a Grama is different. I speak softly to the boys and remind them to keep inside voices while I am using an inside soft tone. So far, it has been working. The photo posted above is one example. Last week, my grandson knocked over my bass. I remember picking it up and putting it on our bed and then going back out to play with the kids. When Hubby returned home, he noticed that the neck was cracked. He gave me a look of disgust and I just smiled and said, “yeah I know and it’s okay.” Hopefully we can get it repaired and if not, no problem. Had this happened while I was a younger single mom? I would have lost it, really. The difference between motherhood and grandmotherhood in my life 🙂

Time to end this post as I could go on and on but won’t. However, I will show you my pictures that I just snapped after I came in from walking Jenny.

I feel like I just won a prize! The jalapeno plant that has been in that pot for two years is giving fruit! Praying to God and Mother Nature to keep those pesky horned worms away!

Thank you, dear reader, for the visit! May you have a beautiful day and a lovely week. Hugs to you and you and especially YOU.

If you are experiencing food insecurity, abuse, homelessness Do reach out to one of the many social programs in your area. Here are a few resources that may point you in the right direction for help.

Domestic Violence Support

Feeding America – The link indicates donations but they have resources to help locate food programs in your area.

GLIDE – looking for shelter.

Remember it is okay to ask for help as everyone needs a little help at some time.

4 Comments Add yours

  1. Life is a struggle for most of us at the end of the day, really, and I think you’re right about how a lot of people who are cruel to others are often themselves victims of cruelty or abuse.

    That’s cool you know, and were a neighbor of, Steve Shulte. I worked as a urban planner for West Hollywood in 1987-88 while he was mayor.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi Jeff,
      Wow that is cool that you knew him. We lived in the same apartment buildings in Highland Park. He sent my kids to YMCA camp two years in a row and he used to take the boys out to hike around the trails that were in the area. I guess that movie reminded me of him as he was so much help to me was so kind.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. ponzoblogs says:

    Sadly because covid I cant do my hobby 😦


    1. It is getting better and soon travel restrictions will be fewer.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s